February
Sarah quit the Presidency of the Student Government on the first
of January. At the mass-driver demonstration, S. S. Krupp had
simply ignored her, which was fine by Sarah as she had no desire to
give the man a point-by-point explanation.
     
As for the death of Tiny, here the other shoe never dropped,
though Sarah and Hyacinth kept waiting. His body was in especially
poor condition when found, and the bullet holes might not have been
detected even if someone had thought to look for them. The City
police made a rare Plex visit and looked at the broken window and
the electrocuted man on the floor, but apparently the Terrorists had
cleaned up any blood or other evidence of conflict; in short, they
made it all look like a completely deranged drunken fuck-up, an
archetype familiar to the City cops.
     
The Terrorists wanted their own revenge. None of them had a
coherent idea of what had happened. Even the two surviving
witnesses had dim, traumatized memories of the event and could
only say it had something to do with a woman dressed as a clown.
As soon as I heard that the Terrorists were looking for someone
called Clown Woman, I invited her over and we had a chat. I knew
what her costume had been. Though she understood why I was
curious, she suddenly adopted a sad, cold reserve I had never seen in
her before.
     
"Some really terrible things happened that night. But I'm I
Hyacinth is safe—okay? And we've been making plans to stay that
way."
     
"Fine. I just—"
     
"I know. I'd love to tell you more. I'm dying to. But I won't,
because you have some official responsibilities and you're the kind
of person who carries them out, and knowing anything would be a
burden for you. You'd try to help—but that's something you can't
do. Can you understand that?"
     
I was a little scared by her lone strength. More, I was stunned
that she was protecting me. Finally I shrugged and said, "Sounds as
though you know what you're doing," because that was how it
sounded.
     
"This has a lot to do with your resigning the Presidency?" I
continued. Sarah was a little annoyed by my diplomacy, for the same
reason S. S. Krupp would have been.
     
"Bud, I don't need some terrific reason for resigning. If I'm
spending time on a useless job I don't like, and I find there are better
things to do with that time, then I ought to resign." I nodded
contritely, and for the first time she was relaxed enough to laugh.
On her way out she gave me a long platonic hug, and I still
remember it when I feel in need of warmth.
They got the wading pool and the garden hose on a two-hour
bus ride to a suburban K-Mart. Hyacinth inflated it in the middle of
Sarah's room while Sarah ran the hose down the hall to the bathroom
to pipe in hot water. Once the pool was acceptably full and foamy,
they retrieved the hose, locked the door and sealed off all windows
with newspaper and all cracks around the door with towels and tape.
They lit a few candles but blew most of them out when their eyes
adjusted. The magnum of champagne was buried in ice, the water
was hot, the night was young. Hyacinth's .44 was very intrusive, and
so Sarah filed it under G for Gun and they had a good laugh.
Around 4:00 in the morning, to Sarah's satisfaction, Hyacinth
passed out. Sarah allowed herself to do likewise for a while. Then
she dragged Hyacinth out onto the rug, dried her and hoisted her into
bed. They slept until 4:32 in the afternoon. Sleet was ticking against
the window. Hyacinth cut a slit in the window screen and they fed
the hose outside and siphoned all the bathwater out of the pool and
down the side of the Plex. They ate all of Sarah's mother's banana
bread, thirty-two Chips Ahoys, three bowls of Captain Crunch, a pint
of strawberry ice cream and drank a great deal of water. They then
gave each other backrubs and went to sleep again.
     
"Keeping my .38 clean is a pain in the ass," said Sarah at one
point. "It picks up a lot of crud in my backpack pocket."
     
"That's one reason to carry a single-action," said Hyacinth.
"Less to go wrong if it's dirty."
     
A long time later, Sarah added, "This is pretty macho. Talking
about our guns."
     
"I suppose it's true that they're macho. But they are also guns.
In fact, they're primarily guns."
     
"True."
     
They also discussed killing people, which had become an
important subject with them recently.
     
"Sometimes there isn't any choice," Sarah said to Hyacinth, as
Hyacinth cried calmly into her shoulder. "You know, Constantine
punished rapists by pouring molten lead down their throats. That was
a premeditated, organized punishment. What you did was on the spur
of the moment."
     
"Yeah. Putting on protective clothes, loading my gun, tracking
them down and blowing one away was really on the spur of the
moment."
     
"All I can say is that if anyone ever deserved it, he did."
Three Terrorists ambled down the hall past Sarah's door,
chanting "Death to Clown Woman!"
     
"Okay, fine," said Hyacinth, and stopped crying. "Granted. I
can't worry about it forever. But sooner or later they're going to
figure out who Clown Woman is. Then there'll be even more
violence."
     
"Better for them to be violent against us," said Sarah, "than against
people who don't even understand what violence is."
     
Sarah was busy taking care of herself that semester. This made
more sense than what the rest of us were doing, but it did not make
for an eventful life. At the same time, a very different American
Megaversity student was fighting the same battle Sarah had just
won. This student lost. The tale of his losing is melancholy but much
more interesting.
Every detail was important in assessing the situation, in
determining just how close to the brink Plexor was! The obvious
things, the frequent transitions from the Technological universe to
the Magical universe, those were child's play to detect; but the
evidence of impending Breakdown was to be found only in the
minutiae. The extra cold-water pipe; that was significant. What had
suddenly caused such a leak to be sprung in the plumbing of Plexor,
which had functioned flawlessly for a thousand years? And what
powerful benign hand had made the switch from one pipe to the
other? What prophecy was to be found in the coming of the Thing of
the Earth in the test run of Shekondar? Was some great happening at
hand? One could not be sure; the answer must be nested among
subtleties. So this one spent many days wandering like a lone
thaumaturge through the corridors of the Plex, watching and
observing, ignoring the classes and lectures that had become so
trivial.
     
With the help of an obsequious MARS lieutenant he was
allowed to inspect the laboratory of the secret railgun experiments.
Here he found advanced specialized power supplies from Heimlich
Freedom Industries. The lieutenant, a Neutrino member of four
years' standing, hooked the output of one power supply to an
oscilloscope and showed him the very high and sharp spike of
current it could punch out—precisely the impulses a superfast mass
driver would need to keep its payload accelerating explosively right
up to the end. This one also observed a test of a new electromagnet.
It was much larger than those used for the first mass driver, wound
with miles of hair-thin copper wire and cooled by antifreeze-filled
tubes. A short piece of rail had been made to test the magnet. It was
equipped with a bucket designed to carry a payload ten centimeters
across! This one watched as a violent invisible kick from the magnet
wrenched the bucket to high velocity and slammed it to the cushion
at the rail's end; the heavy payload shot out, boomed into a tarp
suspended about five feet away, and fell into a box of foam-rubber
scraps. It was the same pattern he saw everywhere. A peaceful lunar
mining device had, under the influence of Shekondar the Fearsome,
metamorphosed into a potent weapon of great value to the forces of
Good.
     
He gave the lieutenant a battlefield promotion to Captain. He
wanted to stay and continue to watch, but it had been a long day; he
was tired, and for a moment his mind seemed to stop entirely as he
stood by the exit.
     
Then came again the creeping sense of Leakage, impossible to
ignore; his head snapped up and to the right, and, speaking across the
dimensional barrier, Klystron the Impaler told him to go to dinner.
Klystron the Impaler was only Klystron the Impaler when he
was in a Magical universe. The rest of the time he was Chris the
Systems Programmer—a brilliant, dashing, young, handsome
terminal jockey considered to be the best systems man on the giant
self-contained universe-hopping colony, Plexor. From time to time
Plexor would pass through the Central Bifurcation, a giant space
warp, and enter a Magical universe, fundamentally altering all
aspects of reality. Though the structure of Plexor itself underwent
little change at these times, everything therein was converted to its
magical, pretechnological analog. Guns became swords, freshmen
became howling savages, Time magazine became a hand-lettered
vellum tome and Chris the Systems Programmer—well, brilliant
people like him became sorcerers, swordspeople and heroes. The
smarter they were—the greater their stature in the Technological
universe—the more dazzling was their swordplay and the more
penetrating their spells. Needless to say, Klystron the Impaler was a
very great hero-swordsman-magician indeed.
     
Of course, Plexorians tended to be that way to begin with. Only
the most advanced had been admitted when Plexor was begun, and it
was natural that their distant offspring today should tend toward the
exceptional. Of those lucky enough to be selected for Plexor, only
the most adaptable had any stomach for the life once they got there
and, every month or so, found their waterbeds metamorphosing into
heaps of bearskins. Klystron/Chris liked to think of the place as a
pressure cooker for the advancement of humanity.
     
But even the most perfect machine could not be insulated from
the frailty and stupidity of the human mind. In the early days of
Plexor every inhabitant had understood the Central Bifurcation, had
respected the distinction between technology and magic, and had
shown enough discipline to ensure that division. Within the past
several generations, though, ignorance had come to this perfect place
and Breakdown had begun. Recent generations of Plexorians lacked
the enthusiasm and commitment of their forebears and displayed
ignorance which was often shocking; recently it had become
common to suppose that Plexor was not a free-drifting edo-
sociosystem at all, that it was in fact a planetoidal structure bound to
a particular universe. Occasionally, it was true, Plexor would
materialize on the ground, in a giant city or a barbarian kingdom. Its
makers, a Guild of sorcerers and magicians operating in separate
universes through the mediation of Keldor, had created it to be self-
sufficient and life-supporting in any habitat, with a nuclear fuel
source that would last forever. But to believe that one particular
world was always out there was a blindness to reality so severe that
it amounted to rank primitivism amidst this sophisticated colony of
technocrats. It was, in a word, Breakdown— a blurring of the
boundary—and such was the delicacy of that boundary between the
universes that mere ignorance of its existence, mere Breakdown-
oriented thinking and Breakdown-conducive behavior, was sufficient
to open small Leaks between Magic and Technology, to generate an
unholy Mixture of the two opposites. It was the duty of the
remaining guardians of the Elder Knowledge. such as
Klystron/Chris, to expurgate such mixtures and restore the erstwhile
purity of the two existences of Plexor.
     
In just the past few weeks the Leaks had become rents, the
Mixture ubiquitous. Now Barbarians sat at computer terminals in the
Computing Center unabashed, pathetically trying, in broad daylight,
to run programs that were so riddled with bugs the damn things
wouldn't even compile, their recent kills stretched out bleeding
between their feet awaiting the spit. Giant rats from another plane of
existence roamed free through the sewers of the mighty
technological civilization, and everywhere Chris the Systems
Analyst found dirt and marrow-sucked bones on the floor, broken
light fixtures, graffiti, noise, ignorance. He watched these happen-
ings, not yet willing to believe in what they portended, and soon
developed a sixth sense for detecting Leakage. That was in and of
itself a case of Mixture; in a Technological universe, sixth senses
were scientifically impossible. His new intuition was a sign of the
Leakage of the powers of Klystron the Impaler into a universe where
they did not belong. In recognition of this, and to protect himself
from the ignorant, Klystron/Chris had thought it wise to adopt the
informal code name of Fred Fine.
     
He had denied what was coming for too long. Despite his
supreme intelligence he was hesitant to accept the hugeness of his
own personal importance.
     
Until the day of the food fight: on that day he came to
understand the somber future of Plexor and of himself.
It happened during dinner. To most of those in the Cafeteria it
was just a food fight, but to "Fred Fine" it was much more
significant, a preliminary skirmish to the upcoming war, a byte of
strategic data to be thoughtfully digested.
     
He had been contemplating an abstract type of program
structure, absently shuffling the nameless protein-starch substance
from tray to mouth, when a sense of strangeness had verged on his
awareness and dispersed his thoughts. As he looked up and became
alert, he also became aware that (a) the food was terrible; (b) the Caf
was crowded and noisy; and (c) Leakage was all around. His mind
now as alert as that of Klystron before a melee, he scanned the
Cafeteria from his secure corner (one of only four corners in the
Cafeteria and therefore highly prized), stuffing his computer printout
securely into his big locking briefcase. Though his gaze traversed
hundreds of faces in a few seconds, something allowed him to fix his
attention on a certain few: eight or ten, with long hair and eccentric
clothing, who were clearly looking at one another and not at the
gallons of food heaped on their Fiberglass trays. The sixth sense of
Klystron enabled Chris to glean from the whirl of people a deeply
hidden pattern he knew to be significant.
     
He stood up in the corner, memorizing the locations of those he
had found, and switched to long-range scan, assisting himself by
following their own tense stares. His eyes flicked down to the
readout of his digital calcu-chronograph and he noted that it was just
seconds before 6:00. Impatiently he polled his subjects and noted
that they were now all looking toward one place: a milk dispenser
near the center of the Cafeteria, where an exceptionally tall burnout
stood with a small black box in his hand!
     
There was a sharp blue flash that made the ceiling glow
briefly—the black box was an electronic flash unit—and all hell
broke loose. Missiles of all shapes and colors whizzed through his
field of vision and splathunked starchily against tables, pillars and
bodies. Amid sudden screaming an entire long table was flipped
over, causing a hundredweight of manicotti and French fries to slide
into the laps of the unfortunates on the wrong side. Seeing the
perpetrators break and dissolve into the milling dinnertime crowd,
the victims could only respond by slinging handfuls of steaming
ricotta at their disappearing backsides. At this first outbreak of noise
and action the Cafeteria quieted for a moment, as all turned toward
the disturbance. Then, seeing food flying past their own heads, most
of the spectators united in bedlam. The Terrorist sections seemed to
have been expecting this and joined in with beer-commercial
rowdiness. Several tables of well-dressed young women ran
frantically for the exits, in most cases too slowly to prevent the
ruination of hundreds of dollars' worth of clothes a head. Many
collapsed squalling into the arms of their patron Terrorist
organizations. The Droogs opened a milk machine, pulled out a
heavy poly-bag of Skim and slung it into the midst of what had been
an informal gathering of Classics majors, with explosive results.
All was observed intently by Klystron/Chris, who stood calm
and motionless in his corner holding his briefcase as a shield.
Though the progress of the fight was interesting to watch, it was
hardly as important as the behavior of the instigators and the
reactions of the Cafeteria staff.
     
Of the instigating organization, some were obliged to flee
immediately in order to protect themselves. These were the agents
provocateurs, the table-tippers and tray-slingers, whose part was
already played. The remainder were observers, and they stood in
carefully planned stations around the walls of the Cafeteria and
watched, much as Chris did. Some snapped pictures with cheap
cameras.
     
This picture-taking began in earnest when, after about fifteen
seconds, the reactive strike began. The cooks and servers had
instantly leapt to block the doors of the serving bays, which in these
circumstances had the same value as ammunition dumps. Pairs of the
larger male cooks now charged out and drew shut the folding
dividers which partitioned the Cafeteria into twenty-four sections.
Meanwhile, forty-eight more senior Cafeteria personnel and guards
fanned out in organized fashion, clothed in ponchos and facemasks.
In each section, one of them leapt up on a table with a megaphone to
scream righteousness at the students, while his partner confronted
particularly active types. Klystron/Chris's view of the fight was
abruptly reduced to what he could see in his own small section.
Among other things he saw eight of the Roy G Biv Terrorist
Group overturn the table on which the local official stood, sending
him splaying on hands and knees across the slick of grease and
tomato sauce on the floor. His partner skidded after him and
swiveled to protect their backs from the Terrorists, who had huddled
and were mumbling menacingly. For the first time Klystron/Chris
felt the hysterical half-sick excitement of approaching violence, and
he began to edge along the wall toward a more strategically sound
position.
     
One of the Terrorists went to the corner where the sliding
partitions intersected, blocking the only route of escape. The men in
the room moved away uneasily; the women pressed themselves
against the wall and sat on the floor and tried to get invisible. Then
the Roy G Biv men broke; two went for the still-standing official,
one for the man who was just staggering to his feet with the dented
megaphone. Abruptly, Klystron/Chris stepped forward, took from
his briefcase a small weapon and pulled the trigger. The weapon was
a flash gun, a device for making an explosively intense flash of light
that blinded attackers. Everyone in front of the weapon froze. As
they were putting their hands to their eyes, he pulled out his Civil
War bayonet, jammed it into a fold in the sliding partition and pulled
it down to open a six-foot rent. He led the tactical retreat to the
adjoining section, which was comparatively under control.
     
The officials here were not amused. A stocky middle-aged man
in a brown suit stomped toward Klystron/Chris with death in his eye.
He was stopped by a chorus of protest from the refugees, who made
it clear that the real troublemakers were back there. And that was
how Klystron/Chris avoided having any of these seriously Mixed
officials discover his informal code name.
     
But what was the strategic significance?
     
He knew it had been done by Barbarians. Despite the carefully
tailored modern clothes they used to hide their stooping forms and
overly long arms, he recognized their true nature from the ropy scars
running along their heavy overhanging brows and the garlands of
rodent skulls they wore around their necks. Had it not been for the
cameramen, he would have concluded that this was nothing more
than a purposeless display of the savages' contempt for order. But
the photographers made it clear that this riot had been a
reconnaissance-in-force, directed by an advanced strategic mind with
an crest in the Cafeteria's defenses. And that, in turn, implied an
upcoming offensive centered on the Cafeteria itself. Of course! In
here was enough grub to feed a good-sized commando force for
years, if rationed properly; it would therefore be a prime objective
for insurrectionists planning to seize and hold large portions of
Plexor. But why? Who was behind it? And how did it connect with
the other harbingers of catastrophe?
Once upon a time, a mathematically inclined friend of Sarah's,
one Casimir Radon, had estimated that her chances of running into a
fellow Airhead at dinner were no better than about one in twenty. As
usual he was not trying to be annoying or nerdish, but nevertheless
Sarah wished for a more satisfying explanation of why she could get
no relief from her damned neighbors. One in twenty was optimistic.
At times she thought that they were planting spies in her path to take
down statistics on how many behavioral standards she broke, or to
drive her crazy by asking why she had really resigned the
Presidency.
     
She was annoyed but not surprised to find herself eating dinner
with Mari Meegan, Mari's second cousin and Toni one night.
Relaxed from a racquetball game, she made no effort to scan her
route through the Caf for telltale ski masks. So as she danced and
sideslipped her way toward what looked like an open table, she was
blindsided by a charming squeal from right next to her. "Sarah!" Too
slow even to think of pretending not to hear, she looked down to see
the three color-coordinated ski masks looking back at her
expectantly. She despised them and never wanted to see them again,
ever, but she also knew there was value in following social norms,
once in a while, to forestall hatred and God knows what kinds of
retribution. The last thing she wanted was to be connected with
Clown Woman. So she smiled and sat down. It was not going to be a
great meal, but Sarah's conversation support system was working
well enough to get her at least through the salad.
     
The ski masks had become very popular since the beginning of
second semester, having proved spectacularly successful during fire
drills. The Airheads found that they could pull them on at the first
ringing of the bell and make it downstairs before all the bars filled
up, and when they returned to their rooms they did not have to
remove any makeup before going back to bed. Then one sartorially
daring Airhead had worn her ski mask to a 9:00 class one January
morning, and pronounced it worthwhile, and other Airheads had
begun to experiment with the concept. The less wealthy found that
ski masks saved heaps of money on cosmetics and hair care, and
everyone was impressed with their convenience, ease of cleaning
and unlimited mix-'n'-match color coordination possibilities.
Blousy, amorphous dresses had also become the style; why wear
something tight and uncomfortable when no one knew who you
were?
     
Talking to Mari, Nicci and Toni was not that bad, of course, but
Sarah felt unusually refreshed and clean, was having one of her
favorite dinners, was going to a concert with Hyacinth that night and
had hoped to make it a perfect day. Worse than talking to them was
having to smile and nod at the stream of cologned and blow-dried
Terrorists who came up behind the Airheads in their strange bandy
macho walk, homing in on those ski masks like heat-seeking missiles on a house fire. Several sneaked up behind Mari and the others
to goose them while they ate. Sarah knew that they did not want to
be warned, so she merely rolled her manicotti around in her mouth
and stared morosely over Mari's shoulder as the young bucks crept
forward with exaggerated stealth and twitching fingers. So long as
these people continued to lead segregated lives, she knew, it was
necessary to do such things in order to have any contact with
members of the other sex. They at least had more style than the
freshman Terrorists, who generally started conversations by
dumping beverages over the heads of freshman women. So there
were many breaks in the conversation while Terrorist fingers probed
deep into Airhead tenderloins and the requisite screaming and
giggling followed.
     
Notwithstanding this, "the gals" did manage to have a
conversation about their majors. Sarah was majoring in English.
Mari had a cousin who majored in English too, and who had met a
very nice Business student doing it. Mari was majoring in Hobbies
Education. Toni was Undecided. Nicci was in Sociology at another
school.
     
And then the food fight.
     
Between the opening salvo and the moment when their table
was protectively ringed by Terrorists, the others were quite dignified
and hardly moved. Sarah sat still momentarily, then came to her
senses and slipped under the table. From this point of view she saw
many pairs of corduroy, khaki, designer jean and chino pantlegs
around the table, and saw too the folding partitions slide across.
Once the partitions were closed she emerged, mostly because
she wanted to see who owned the brown polyester legs that had been
dancing around the room in such agitation. The Terrorists grabbed
her arms solicitously and hauled her to her feet, wanting to know if
she had lost her ski mask in "all the action."
     
The man in the brown three-piecer was none other than
Bartholomew (Wombat) Forksplit, Dean of Dining Services, who
had been promoted to Dean Emeritus after his recovery from the
nacho tortilla chip shard that had passed through his brain. No one
knew where he came from—Tibet? Kurdistan? Abyssinia?
Circassia? Since the accident, he had become known as Wombat the
Marauder to his victims, mostly inconsiderate dorks who had broken
Caf rules only to find this man gripping them in an old Bosnian or
Tunisian martial arts hold that shorted out the major meridians of
their nervous system, and shouting at them in a percussive accent
that crackled like fat ground beef on a red-hot steam griddle. Some
accused him of using the accident as an excuse to act like a madman,
but no one doubted that he was pissed off.
     
When he saw the ex-President half-dragged from under a table
by the beaming Terrorists, Forksplit released the knee of his current
victim and speed-skated across the stained linoleum toward her, his
tomato-sauce—spattered arms outstretched as if in supplication.
Sarah pulled her arms free and backed up a step, but he stopped short
of embracing her and cried, "Sarah! You, here? Indicates this that
you are part of these—these asshole Terrorists? Please say no!" He
stared piteously into her eyes, the little white scar on his forehead
standing out vividly against his murderously flushed face. Sarah
swallowed and glanced around the room, conscious of many ski
masks and Terrorists looking at her.
     
"Oh, not really, I was just over here at another table. These guys
were just helping me up. This is a real shame. I hope the B-men
don't go on strike now."
     
A look of agony came over Wombat the Marauder's face at the
mere mention of this idea, and he backed up, pirouetted and paced
around their Cafeteria subdivision directing a soliloquy of anger and
frustration at Sarah. "I joost—I don't know what the hell to do. I do
everything in the world to deliver fine service. This is good food! No
one believes that. They go off to other places and eat, come back and
say, 'Yes Mr. Forksplit let me shake your hand your food is so
good!! Best I have ever eaten!' But do these idiots understand? No,
they throw barbells through the ceiling! All they can do with good
food is throw it, like it is being a sports implement or something.
You!"
     
Forksplit sprinted toward a tall thin fellow who had just slit one
of the sliding partitions almost in half with a bayonet and plunged
through, pulling a briefcase behind him. Under his arm this man
carried a pistol-shaped flashlight, which he tried to pull out; but
before Forksplit was able to reach him, several more people
exploded through the slit, pointing back and complaining about high
rudeness levels in the next room. With a bloodcurdling battle cry
Forksplit flung his body through the breach and into the next
compartment, where much loud smashing and yelling commenced.
Mari turned to Sarah, a big smile visible through her mouth-
hole. "That was very nice of you, Sarah. It was sweet to think about
Dean Forksplit's feelings."
     
"He put me in a hell of a spot," said Sarah, who was looking at
Fred Fine and his light-gun and his bayonet. "I mean, what was I
supposed to say?"
     
Mari did not follow, and laughed. "It was neat the way you
didn't say something bad about the Terrorists just on his account."
Fred Fine was stashing his armaments in his briefcase and
staring at them. Sarah concluded that he had just come over to
eavesdrop on their conversation and look at their secondary sex
characteristics.
     
"Diplomatic? There's nothing I could say, Mari, that could be
nasty enough to describe those assholes, and the sooner you realize
that the better off you'll be."
     
"Oh, no, Sarah. That's not true. The Terrorists are nice guys,
really."
     
"They are assholes."
     
"But they're nice. You said so yourself at Fantasy Island Nite,
remember? You should get to know some of them."
Sarah nearly snapped that she had almost gotten to know some
of them quite well on Fantasy Island Nite, but held her tongue,
suddenly apprehensive. Had she said that on Fantasy Island Nite?
And had Mari known who she was? "Mari, it is possible to be nice
and be an asshole at the same time. Ninety-nine percent of all people
are nice. Not very many are decent."
     
"Well, sometimes you don't seem terribly nice."
     
"Well, I don't wish to be nice. I don't care about nice. I've got
more important things on my mind, like happiness."
     
"I don't understand you, Sarah. I like you so much, but I just
don't understand you." Mari backed away a couple of paces on her
spikes, gazing coolly at Sarah through her eye-holes. "Sometimes I
get the feeling you're nothing but a clown." She stood and watched
Sarah triumphantly.
     
DEATH TO CLOWN WOMAN! hung before Sarah's eyes. A
knifing chill struck her and she was suddenly nauseated and
lightheaded. She sat down on a table, assisted needlessly by Fred
Fine.
     
"You'll be fine," he said confidently. "Just routine shock. Lie
back here and we'll take care of you." He began making a clear
space for her on the table.
     
Somehow, Sarah had managed to unzip the back pocket of her
knapsack and wrap her fingers around the concealed grip of the
revolver. Shocked, she forced herself to relax and think clearly. To
scare the hell out of Mari was easy enough, after what had happened
to Tiny, but could she afford to make such a display here and now?
Obviously not. Mari continued to glint at her, apparently expecting a
dramatic confession.
     
Finally Sarah just started to talk, making it up as she went along.
"Okay, Mari, look, I'll tell you the truth. Actually I like those
Terrorists and I've always thought this one guy was real cute, you
know?" Mari's eyes widened at this and she stepped in very close,
ready to share the secret. Fred Fine put his hand on Sarah's shoulder.
"Miss Johnson, it would be best for you to lie down until you're
feeling steadier." Sarah ignored him.
     
"But the thing is that my father, uh, is a private investigator. He
used to be a chopper pilot for a Mafia kingpin—he's a Vietnam
vet—but then he decided to go into private-eye work and use the
inside knowledge he'd gotten to fight the Mob on its own terms.
This Terrorist that I like is actually a prince—he belongs to one of
those European houses—but he is a rebel by nature and he decided
to change his identity and live in the U.S. and work his way to
success using his own talent and good looks and likable, open
approach to everything. His father is rich and is heavily into the oil
business, and also in drug smuggling, so he's got lots of Mob
connections. Well, when his father found out I was going with this
Terrorist he was afraid I'd get vital Mob information and give it to
my father, who could organize a major sting operation. So they
decided to kill me. But his father's mistress, who is a double agent
with the KGB and is also an English baroness by birth, though she
was cheated out of her inheritance—anyway, she got wind of it and
warned us. That's why I dressed up in the clown costume—so the hit
men wouldn't recognize me."
     
"Some cases of shock can result in delirium," suggested Fred
Fine. "This can be serious if not properly treated."
Mari was astonished, from what Sarah could see through the
mask. "So this boy and I were going to elope that night in our
costumes, but when we went up to his room to get his things, the hit
men were there. But just then the other Terrorists rushed in to save
us, and that's how Tiny got shot. Then my father showed up! And he
has a secret plan to help us. But it all depends on us pretending that I
actually shot Tiny. Now that you know you can't talk about it to
anyone or you might be killed. In the meantime, I'm protecting
myself with this." She tipped the knapsack toward Mari and showed
her the .38. Fred Fine, looking over her shoulder, saw it too and
stepped back sharply.
     
All doubt was blown clear from Mari's mind. She gasped and
stumbled back a couple of steps, hand to breast. Fred Fine, keeping
one nervous eye on Sarah, strode over to Mari and put his hand
lightly on her shoulder.
     
"You'll be just fine, ma'am. Just a routine case of shock. Maybe
you should lie down for a bit." But this had attracted the attention of
the Terrorists. Seeing that Mari and Sarah's gal-to-gal chat was
finished, they closed in helpfully around Mari and assisted her to a
reclining position. Fred Fine was shouldered out of the way but
persisted on the edges of the group, giving advice on the treatment of
shock.
     
Sarah left. Fred Fine watched her with something akin to awe.
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